Basically the title of this post has a double meaning. One being what has been going on recently in my world of production. And the other being a possible change of my alias, Carl565. Both have been keeping me from being productive... but however, that does not mean that I am "dead".
I really don't know how many people will see this, or how many people actually care enough to read this, but I just wanted to make it apparent that I definitely have been inactive in my work. This has been true to an extent for the past year, but it has really toggled to the worst up to recent. To see my latest project "Corridors" roll out was luck. I am going to be completely honest and just state right away that I really havent touched FL Studio since I released that, and really have zero projects that I have worked on since then.
There are a couple reasons that I feel that are holding me back from making music. I've come to a realization that I am just sick of staring at the same interface of FL Studio for hours at a time. Perhaps I'm sick of making music completely... I really don't know that for a fact, but I can say that my love for music holds.
The other reason that I feel like I know I haven't really been making music is the fact that I know that other producers make music straight from their imagination... I do not do that... Simply knowing that producers know what to add next to their song and what notes to add makes me a bit jealous. Ever since I started making music about 5 and a half years ago, I have always created from sheer randomness of a melody that I figured sounded good and backing synths/instruments that I figured complemented the melody. The only thing that I can truly say I know for a fact that I think of before adding is the drums. To know that I was gifted with holding a beat in my mind, but not a musical sense is really beyond me...
Anyways, onto the next subject.
As recent as about half a year ago, on websites other than Newgrounds I have started to go by my actual name, Clay Schubert, rather than my alias, Carl565. This is mostly because I feel it's more professional and well, when people ask me how I came up with Carl565, I feel the story is really childish and there really isn't any meaning to it. For the sake of people having controversy, I'll go ahead and tell the story of how my alias became Carl565.
Back when I was around 5 years old, I was obsessed with Legos. So much in fact that I believe that it's possibly the reason for me having OCD because I literally kept them under the frame of my bed because they made me safe at night, haha, but that's a different story. So, I ended up wanting to sign up for an account on Lego.com. In doing this, I thought that you had to use your name for a username and I didn't feel safe doing that. Instead I used my middle name, Carl. Of course, it came back as being "in use" and gave a few small alterations as recommendations. You probably guessed it, but carl565 was one of those.
I've always used carl565 with a lowercase "C" up until a year or two ago, and then switched to a uppercase "C". How it took me so long to figure out how to use the shift key is beyond me... haha, just kidding. I really don't know why I never thought of using an uppercase "C", maybe it just didn't appeal to me.
With all of this in mind, I really would like to go by an alias instead of my actual name. It would need to be something cool and professional. Maybe the use of both letters and numbers or figures to spell out something. I've always found the name Deadmau5 originally and liked it. If someone could give me some ideas, that'd be pretty cool.
If someone actually reads all the way to the end here, I just want to state again that I am in no way dead. I will continue to use FL Studio and make music... but perhaps I'm just going to take a small break. Also, you deserve a medal for making it this far, haha. Thanks too... I appreciate it.